The Mystery That Is Tulsa Gridiron

Secret-agent Ray Bans. "Exploding" underwear. Clip-on, Sarah Palin-style bangs. What do these things have in common? They're all props in Tulsa Gridiron 2010: Dewey Dare? Or, Laughter is the Best Public Option.

The show, a musical and theatrical skewering of anything and everything that's been been fit to print over the course of the past year, hits the stage this Friday at 8pm. The second show time is Saturday night, 8pm.

The all-star cast is reason enough to drop everything you're doing, hop online or get on the phone and snag a few tickets to this show. The show also happens to be for a great cause. Many a journalism student - contrary to popular belief, they can't live on Ramen alone - is helped along thanks to funds generated by the Gridiron Trust.

But, there's more. Tulsa Gridiron is a funny show. By "funny" I mean, really, really funny. The biggest part of what we do is sing covers of classic and popular songs that parody local and national news stories.

For example, one of the songs in our script is called Peace Prize, and it's sung to the tune of J. Geils Band's Freeze Frame, only the best song to ever come out of 1982. Our own Darrel Christopher plays President Obama as he marvels at his prize-winning skills:

Monday evening was O'Reilly Factor
He said my peace prize blew his mind
Whole-hog Mid-East peace is hard to find
Norway trip, accept the Nobel Prize
Hand on heart, I don't know why it's mine
Chorus: Peace Prize! Peace Prize? Peace Prize! Peace Prize? Peace Prize!
What peace?

Funny, right? I told you.

Another song is Cheated on Elin, sung to the tune of Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede. It's our Tiger-look-a-like's lament.

With my nine-iron
In her arms so white
I guess she knows
Where I slept last night
Chrorus: I-I-I cheated on Elin
And so now I'm bleeding
Backed straight into a tree

A few other lady Gridiron actors and I may or may not be wearing next to nothing for this number since we'll be playing Tigers' conquests. But you didn't hear that from me.

A confident Mary Fallin takes the stage in Let Me Be the Next in Line, sung to the tune of "Get Me to the Church on Time," which you should know from My Fair Lady.

I'll be elected in November
Ding-Dong, this time I'm gonna shine
Pull out the stopper, let's have a whopper
I'm gonna be the next in line

Oh, boy. Just wait until word on that one gets out.

Oops. I guess it just did.

Vampires, sung to the tune of "You're Lookin' at Country" by Loretta Lynn, might be the only chance you'll get to see Sharon King Davis in a long, black wig. True to SKD style, she makes it look totally hott. And Bob Hendrick's gonna dress up like a teenage girl gone goth. A must-see, I assure you.

Well I like my lovin' done vampire style
And this little girl would walk a Transylvania mile
To find her a good ole, blood-drinkin' vampire boy
I said a vampire boy
Yes, I'm crazy 'bout bats and I'm no liar
My personal hero is Stephanie Meyer
If you're looking for me, I'm looking for vampires

Muahahahaha.

Then there's Barakin' Pneumonia, sung to "Rockin' Pneumonia."

Well the Congress wants to jump and shout
Massachusetts boy is creepin' me out
Big Pharma's got me by the family jewels
I want Barack-in' pneumonia and the public-option flu

I think this is my favorite. We even get to sing about sties in this one.

Other hits on the Tulsa Gridiron 2010 soundtrack include:

• Vaccination, sung to the tune of, you guessed it, Celebration
• Shut Up, Mr. Limbaugh, sung to the tune of Wake Up Little Susie
• Snowy Weather, sung to the tune of Stormy Weather
• You Strapped a Bomb in Briefs, sung to the tune of You Dropped a Bomb on Me
• My Baby Takes the IDL, sung to the tune of My Baby Takes The Morning Train
• Bring Back Our Fuzz, to the tune of Seasons of Love from Rent

Altogether we're singing more than 30 hilarious and totally irreverent songs, not to mention the saucy skits we'll perform. That's a lot of show for tickets starting at $25.  

Here's what I recommend: Hit the Tulsa Performing Arts Center Web site and buy two general admission tickets. Then, scroll to the comments section of this post and type the title of one of the songs in the 2010 Tulsa Gridiron Show (hint: about a dozen of them are listed in this post) in the comments field to enter to win two seats at a Cabaret table, the best seats in the house. You'll be in the middle of the action with two of those babies. Tickets will be good for either performance. 

This way, if you win the cabaret seating, you can hand the general admission tickets off to a deserving couple of souls. If you don't, you still have tickets to the show. It's a win-win situation. 

I'll take entries until Wednesday (March 10) afternoon at 4pm. The random integer generator at Random.org will decide the winner. Feel free to grab extra entries by posting about Gridiron and/or this post on Twitter and Facebook (just be sure to tag or @-reply me in the post so I can count it). 

Good luck!