Tuesday, December 15, 2009
In the world of thoughtless Christmas gifts, second only to a smelly bottle of lotion (unless, of course, it's your favorite smelly lotion) is the ho-hum candle.
I love candles as much as the next girl. But, to me, they're like shoes - one buys candles and footwear for oneself, not for others, unless a very specific and detailed request has been made. I don't want anyone else deciding how my home or my office will smell but me, just like I wouldn't want anyone else deciding what's going to pinch and blister my feet. I prefer to inflict my foot pain and my artificial smells on myself on my own, thank you very much.
Every now and then, though, comes an exception to this cardinal rule of gift giving.
These, my friends, are candles by Original Man Candle, a Broken Arrow-based candle company that specializes in the quintessential manly scents of our time. I found them at The Gadget Company, a Tulsa retailer specializing in all things manly, from custom knives to optics to outdoor cooking supplies, for more than 20 years.
The Original Man Candle comes in 12 scents: Pot Roast, Cup O' Joe, French Fry, Draft Beer, Golf Course, Garage, Fishing Dock, Football, Freedom (Apple Pie), Sawdust, Bacon and Fart.
Yes, Fart. A fart-scented candle. It exists. It's out there. You can stop wondering.
"Ever had three egg burritos and then hit the treadmill?" I couldn't have described the smell of the Fart candle any more perfectly than that, a blurb I found on the Original Man Candle Web site.
This candle, it has The Power, folks. The odor of that expertly blended fart hung in my nose for a good half-hour after I shoved it back onto the shelf. Even my two-year-old was revolted: "Shoo-wee!"
Excellent work, OMC. I can't imagine what your dedication to the perfection of this candle must have cost you, both in terms of olfactory functionality and emotional well-being. Tulsans, if you're looking for a gift that packs some serious punch (as in, a serious punch right to the schnoz), well, this is it.
The Pot Roast scent is what put OMC on the map, according to its Web site. After all, "what other candle can you think of that melts its own gravy?" Indeed, indeed.
While several of these candles are clearly meant as novelty items, some of them smelled good enough to please both the males and the females among us. The Freedom (Apple Pie) candle smells like my grandma's kitchen when she's got a Granny Smith pie in the oven. The Draft Beer candle smells rich and sweet, almost like vanilla. The Sawdust candle caused me to consider breaking out the pencil sharpener at home and getting my husband's pencils ready for next semester to, you know, help him out, do him a favor.
You know how chocolate candles never, ever actually smell like chocolate? Well, the Fishing Dock OMC actually smells like the fall morning my husband drove me and my six-month-pregnant belly to Keystone Lake for my first shot at fishing. The Garage candle smells like the garage at the house where I grew up, when my dad was working to restore a 1948 GMC pickup. I don't know if the Golf Course candle actually smells like a golf course, but it does smell rich and sweet like mowed grass.
At $10.95, these smelly suckers not only support two local businesses, they're also sure to be the talk of the party come this Christmas. Everyone will oooh and aaaah about what a thoughtful and clever shopper you are, how funny you are, how everyone should strive to be more like you.
That's a far cry from what everyone will think when they open yet another ice scraper/windshield de-icer kit from you this year.
Actually, I think that wouldn't be a bad gift in the minds of some of you more practical folk out there. Forget I said that.
Here's some other cool stuff available for your gifting pleasure at The Gadget Company:
Those babies can keep ice from melting FOR FIVE DAYS. Incredible.
Here's yet another affordable gift idea:
These even come with an extra strip of Duct tape in case you get too Xtreme and open a gnarly gash in your billfold. Or something.
Shield the eyes of the young for this one:
The Gadget Company is, needless to say, my husband's favorite place to go to buy rugged, manly guy stuff, including extracurricular reading material. It's a fun place to stop in and chat, too - the sales staff is always friendly.
Ladies, it's okay if you sneak off to The Gadget Company without a dude to accompany you, or even with one in mind. I won't tell anyone. If I did, I'd be outing myself, too.
The Gadget Company
104 E. 15th Street
Monday-Friday, 10am-5:30pm; Saturday, 10am-3pm